The Last Entry in the Diary of Anne Frank
August 1, 1944
Dearest Kitty,
“A bundle of contradictions” was the end of my previous letter and is the beginning of this one. Can you please tell me exactly what “a bundle of contradictions” is? What does “contradiction” mean? Like so many words, it can be interpreted in two ways: a contradiction imposed from without and one imposed from within. The former means not accepting other people’s opinions, always knowing best, having the last word; in short, all those unpleasant traits for which I’m known. The latter, for which I’m not known, is my own secret.
As I’ve told you many times, I’m split in two. One side contains my exuberant cheerfulness, my flippancy, my joy in life and, above all, my ability to appreciate the lighter side of things. By that I mean not finding anything wrong with flirtations, a kiss, an embrace, a saucy joke. This side of me is usually lying in wait to ambush the other one, which is much purer, deeper, and finer.
No one knows Anne’s better side, and that’s why most people can’t stand me. Oh, I can be an amusing clown for an afternoon, but after that everyone’s had enough of me to last a month. Actually, I’m what a romantic film is to a profound thinker - a mere diversion, a comic interlude, something that is soon forgotten: not bad, but not particulary good either.
I hate having to tell you this, but why shouldn’t I admit it when I know it’s true? My lighter, more superficial side will always steal a march on the deeper side and therefore always win. You can’t imagine how often I’ve tried to push away this Anne, which is only half of what is known as Anne - to beat her down, hide her. But it doesn’t work, and I know why.
I’m afraid that people who know me as I usually am will discover I have another side, a better and finer side. I’m afraid they’ll mock me, think I’m ridiculous and sentimental and not take me seriously.
I’m used to not being taken seriously, but only the “lighthearted” Anne is used to it and can put up with it; the “deeper” Anne is too weak. If I force the good Anne into the spotlight for even fifteen minutes, she shuts up like a clam the moment she’s called upon to speak, and lets Anne number one do the talking. Before I realize it, she’s disappeared.
So the nice Anne is never seen in company. She’s never made a single appearance, though she almost always takes the stage whem I’m alone. I know exactly how I’d like to be, how I am . . . on the inside. But unfortunately I’m only like that with myself. And perhaps that’s why - no, I’m sure that’s the reason why - I think of myself as happy on the inside and other people think I’m happy on the outside. I’m guided by the pure Anne within, but on the outside I’m nothing but a frolicsome little goat tugging at its tether.
As I’ve told you, what I say is not what I feel, which is why I have a reputation for being a boy-chaser, a flirt, a smart aleck and a reader of romances. The happy-go-lucky Anne laughs, gives a flippant reply, shrugs her shoulders and pretends she couldn’t care less. The quiet Anne reacts in just the opposite way.
If I’m being completely honest, I’ll have to admit that it does matter to me, that I’m trying very hard to change myself, but that I’m always up against a more powerful enemy. A voice within me is sobbing, “You see, that’s what’s become of you. You’re surrounded by negative opinions, dismayed looks and mocking faces, people who dislike you, and all because you don’t listen to the advice of your own better half.”
Believe me, I’d like to listen, but it doesn’t work, because if I’m quiet and serious, everyone thinks I’m putting on a new act and I have to save myself with a joke, and then I’m not even talking about my own family, who assume I must be ill, stuff me with asprins and sedatives, feel my neck and forehead to see if I have a temperature, ask about my bowel movements and berate me for being in a bad mood, until I just can’t keep it up any more, beause when everybody starts hovering over me, I get cross, then sad, and finally end up turning my heart inside out, the bad part on the outside and the good part on the inside, and keep trying to find a way to become what I’d like to be and what I could be if . . . if only there were no other people in the world.
Yours, Anne M. Frank
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3 days later, she was found and imprisoned. Later, she was transported to Auschwitz, then later died in Bergen-Belsen.
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Commentary: The Diary of Anne Frank is amazing for so many reasons. It is remarkably easy to read, giving an extraordinarily intimate and detailed view of the thoughts of a teenage girl, revealing her cognitive patterns and concerns.
Whether she knew it or not, she used the diary as self-therapy to try to find some solace and reason in the midst of a world full of irreconcilable contradictions. She used writing to define her personal moral and ethical questions, and to articulate the best answers and definitions she could find. For example, as seen above, she defines multiple (equally accurate and co-existing) definitions for the word “contradictions.” In the midst of her insane world, she never stopped trying to improve her reasoning, knowledge, and character.
The Diary of Anne Frank reveals a beautiful mind, a brilliant mind trying to make sense of sometimes overwhelmingly contradictary forces and ideologies.
If you’ve never read the Diary of Anne Frank, you may mistakenly think the diary is only interesting and relevant because Anne later died in the Holocaust. But if you’ve read the Diary of Anne Frank, you may agree that the work is meritorious completely independent of her subsequent history. Her diary is an amazing record of a beautiful young woman developing mentally, sexually, and spiritually.
Sometimes tragedies are felt in the actions of kings and nations. Sometimes equal tragedies can be experienced in the heart and mind of just one girl.
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Here are 5 related Anne Frank and Rutka Laskier posts (click on thumbnails to see the posts):
© All rights reserved by the respective artists.
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Dear Sia:
This is a great piece. The wonderful photo, the excerpt from her diary, and your spot on commentary.
Thoughts:
1.) Adult, modern, professionally trained writers might spend months fine-tuning on a word processor to get to this level of honesty.
2.) Unbelievable modesty and self deprecation. Why do some of the finest female artists so often feel this way about themselves? About their art?
3.) While I agree the work stands on its own without context, it is the context which makes the tragic destruction of such innocent beauty a thousand times more terrible.
4.) Reading the excerpt from the diary, I thought I might have been reading from earlier blog commentary. Has the author of this blog ever shared any of what Anne might have been feeling?
Thank you JG,
Always lovely to hear your thoughts. Responding to them:
1) Yes, Anne had remarkably literate clarity and honesty - just what a diarist or memoirist needs.
2) Self-deprecation is a prominent feminine theme in manners, culture, and art, both internally and externally. Balancing self-deprecation with self-worth is a consistent feminine struggle. Being a mother, giving birth, and other common feminine roles involve subordinating the self to meet the needs of others. Learning to not allow those roles to devalue your self-worth and self-direction can involve pro-active constant re-assessment.
Dialoguing to self, to others, or to a journal is a good method of discovering issues, definitions, and framing possible ways to adjust.
3) Yes, you are right. And I may not have expressed my thoughts well. I was trying to convey that even in the absence of her specific irremovable and immensely valuable historical context, the diary would still have tremendous independent worth - it is timeless and universal in its juvenile perspectives and thoughts.
4) I have not struggled to the same degree that Anne struggled with many things. In large part because my life has not been lived with cruel racism, persecution, or disabling gender expectations.
But I was visiting with a girlfriend last night and we discussed reasons why I admire Anne. I emulate many of her artistic priorities - candor, want of affection, desire for learning, and more. Anne and I both love(d) pictures, imagery, and visual stimulus.
I highlight Anne’s work also because she reminds me of cognitive struggles I’ve observed more in girlfriends than in myself. Literature and diary writing (or memoirs) are exceptional at helping women know they are not alone in their internal thoughts and cultural & ethical struggles.
I REALLY LKED THIS ENTRY IN ANNE FRANKS DAIRY
i am amazed by reading the diary of anne frank. I admire how she could do this in these young years
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OneMoreOption: Thank you for your thoughts Fahad.
i really love this diary of anne frank.. im a teenager just like her , that’s why i can connect with her feelings. i also realize how hard it is to be a jew in nazis time.. oh my gosh! it was reALLY TERRIBLE!
i am learning about her in school.
To be honest, I do not think anyone could even begin to imagine what she, her family and the millions of others went through unless you experienced it first hand.
This last diary entry just shows how alone she must have felt there, how she felt like she couldn’t be the person she wanted to be.
She obviously felt no-one liked her, and its such a tragedy she didn’t live long enough to realise that this wasn’t the case.
I have read her diary around 100 times and still don’t tire of it.
She was an extrodinary young girl.
I love learning about Anne Frank and all the hard things a young girl would have to go through.