Sometimes The Who Is Surprisingly More Important Than The Where, When, What or Why
Artwork by Daniel Southard.
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Artwork by Edoardo Pasero.
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Artwork by Michael G. Magin.
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Sometimes The Who Is Surprisingly More Important Than The Where, When, What or Why
~ by OneMoreOption
The difference between good times and bad times is often not the where, when, what, or why. Sometimes it’s amazingly and surprisingly dependent on the who.
If the wheres, whens, whats, and whys are not working, sometimes the focus should move to revisiting the people you define as your inner social circle. If the who isn’t working, it’s difficult for the wheres, whens, whats, or whys to thrive.
I sometimes wish life was not so dependent on our inner social circles. It might be nice if life was more about individual control . . . but probably not. To wish the rules were different may be a moot pursuit.
I don’t know the thousands of reasons why certain social worlds and chemistries thrive while others that should work on paper don’t work in practice.
A defining characteristic of the social relationships that have remained both healthy and dominant for me is this: The ideas, communications, and work of the other person I cared about remained uncommonly honest, important, insightful, and enduring over time. Over long periods of time, their words and actions remained admirable – my observations of everything thereafter showed their actions to have remarkable foresight, intelligence, and heart.
I’ve had some previous close relationships where I cared deeply for the person, but few things they said or did remained prominent or memorable, compared to everything I experienced thereafter.
True love is not simply some mysterious, fateful chemistry. In my experience, love remained true because the person I loved, their words, ideas, and actions, remained remarkably accurate.
Some people will spur you into frustration and fighting in the mud with them. Others, who may be equally adversarial or conflicted with you, surprisingly lead you into creating positive objects and interactions for yourself and others.
Hope that in looking back, you will realize you were wrong when you fought the person you loved. Because more often, you will look back and realize you were not wrong – and the people who were often wrong will be easier to let go of. The people who your heart and mind will have more difficulty “letting go of” are the ones you come to believe were more often right when you were wrong.
The relationships that will likely remain attractive to you are not the ones you feel dutiful or obligated to remain loyal to. The relationships that will more likely remain attactive to you are the relationships where you would miss sharing the regular experiences and conversations of being in their company.
If you ever find an exceptionally good “who” for you, that will likely improve many of your wheres, whens, whats, and whys.
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