To Better Understand Your Relationship And Sexual Dynamics, Look At The Control Dynamics
The above artwork is by Carol Woolgar.
© All rights reserved by Carol Woolgar.
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To Better Understand Your Relationship And Sexual Dynamics, Look At The Control Dynamics
~ by OneMoreOption
When you’re in a conflict with your significant other, if you’re only asking questions like:
- Am I making them feel the way they want?
- Am I helping them achieve their goals?
- Am I giving my partner the things they want?
All of those questions are very important.
But an equally important question may be: Will I help or hinder my partner toward achieving the levels of control they desire?
I’m not suggesting “control” primarily involves “Who wears the pants?” in a relationship. It is a broader analysis: Do you facilitate your significant other achieving their desired level of control over themself? Over their workload? Over their career? Over their family dynamics? Over their time allocation? Over their personal presentation?
Control is a vast array. Can your partner control their day? Their reputation? Their narrative? Their feelings? Their sleep? Their chemical balances? Their fatigue levels? Their boundaries?
“Control” is rarely simply an analysis between 2 people. When “control” is perceived as simply a competition between two people or two adversarial interests, that is often when real problems and misperceptions arise. In the real world, “control” is more often determined by many competing, benevolent, or unaware entities.
It is not that your partner is controlling. It is that most people want to have certain levels of controls in their life.
It has often been said that only a fool thinks they are in control of their life, because life regularly shows us we’re not in control. Even if that is true, people still want some reliable and measurable perceptions of control.
If you want to please your partner, do what you can to help them achieve their desired levels of control.
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On a sidenote: I re-watched the 2004 movie “Seeing Other People” tonight. It’s very good, and I highly recommend it. The “Behind The Scenes” special feature on the DVD is also worthwhile.
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Spoken like a true guru. Well done!
Wanted to add- it is also important to know what is beyond our control and let go of it.. we don’t need the stress, thank you
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Mark: Thank you for the kind feedback and ideas.