Seeking Alpha – Beyond Simple Gender Preference
The above artwork is by Daniel Southard.
© All rights reserved by Daniel Southard.
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Seeking Alpha – Beyond Simple Gender Preference
~ by OneMoreOption
If someone were to ask you: Are you attracted to men or women? If you answered their question honestly, then would they know much about you?
If someone knew you were primarily attracted to women, that would not tell them what kinds of women are attractive to you. There are many different kinds.
Even if you are primarily attracted to women, are there some women who are unattractive to you? Are there personality or behavioral traits you find unappealing? Or are you attracted to all women?
I would guess most people have specific qualities they seek, more than simply gender.
I believe most people have a gender preference. What I don’t think as many people know or consider is: Most people also have an alpha preference.
Most people have an idea of what role they would prefer to play in their relationships. Some people want to be the alpha in their social settings, pairings, or groups. Other people prefer not to play the alpha role.
Why is this issue important? Why does it matter?
Many, maybe most, people make an assessment of their social colleagues’ desires or pursuits toward alpha positions within a social hierarchy – whether they realize they are making this assessment or not.
Conflicts can arise when two people in a relationship both want to be in an alpha role. Conflicts can arise when both people would prefer to play a beta role.
So, in your dating relationships, it may be valuable to try to answer these kinds of questions:
1) Does my partner seek to play an alpha role in casual social settings?
2) Does my partner commonly play an alpha role when we are alone?
3) Does my partner play an alpha role in their work pursuits?
4) Does my partner try to assert an alpha authority in their arguments with others?
5) Would most of my partner’s friends identify my partner as an alpha?
I believe some women, who prefer to play an alpha role in their work and social relationships, are attracted to women because there may be more women who either desire to play beta roles or are perceived to be more willing to play beta roles. Some women may not enjoy behaving in traditionally-perceived feminine patterns. They may prefer to behave in traditionally-perceived “masculine,” dominant patterns.
Beyond simple preference for the companionship of one gender or the other, it may be important to try to determine in what ways your partner prefers to play alpha or beta roles. Determining alpha preferences is not a simple analysis. Most couples probably have alternating areas where they trade off playing an alpha role. Further, there are often activities where no alpha/beta hierarchy is established or desired, where duties are equally shared and where decision making is equally shared.
If you’re with someone who doesn’t understand how often they want to play an alpha role, that can be a problem. If they don’t think they are an alpha, but they commonly act in ways that show they want to be an alpha, that can be a regular, repetitive source of conflict.
Some women are taught, through common social messages, that they should not prefer to be an alpha; rather, they should prefer more traditionally feminine roles. Some of those women may have internal contradictions, feeling guilt for their preference to play an alpha role.
If you want to understand yourself and your partner better, then trying to determine your alpha preferences, and what in your history may have shaped your alpha preferences, may help you understand each of your emotional responses and behaviors better.
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