What Should An Attractive Person Do When They’re At A Stage Of Life Where Attracting Others Is No Longer A High Priority?
Do you sometimes wonder why your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t do as many of the attractive behaviors and activities they used to?
I know many beautiful women, who after they got into committed signficant other relationships, stopped doing many of the attractive, attention-drawing activities they used to do regularly. I’ve known actresses who stopped acting, singers who stopped singing, flirts who stopped flirting, athletes who stopped doing athletics . . . because they’d chosen to place most, or all, of their attentions on one person exclusively.
Remember a couple of months back, when the blonde woman Samantha Brick wrote a blog post about ”the downsides to looking this pretty”? She appeared on The Today Show to explain and defend her remarks. She received a huge backlash, primarily either people telling her she wasn’t that pretty, or people telling her “being pretty” was not a real problem compared to most people’s problems.
But I understood what she was saying, not because I’m physically attractive, but because I’ve watched attractive women get constant attention they did not want, attention that repeatedly threatened their preferences and interests.
I was raised and groomed to be an attractive person. My parents wanted me to be someone who presented himself well both physically and socially. Other parents may not emphasize those pursuits as much as my parents did. I think my parents thought I could be an attractive personality, so if nothing else, they might have thought: “Why not?”
I was taught to show courtesy, smile, sing, and speak publicly. I was also a charming, clever, and well-behaved flirt.
As I got older, there was less need for me to attract the attention or care of others. I still had many patterns and habits for which I didn’t have as much use anymore. I had skills for which there was decreasing demand.
I stopped speaking publicly and singing. I stopped most of my flirting. I still used charm and courtesy, but not to attract attention as much as to be pleasant to others. In short, I stopped doing many things that might attract others.
But I still loved doing attractive things, so I used some of that energy to create this blog.
I don’t have a summarizing answer to this post’s question. I don’t think there probably is one best answer to this post’s question. But the next time you wonder why someone (who you used to know as artistic, charming, and extroverted) changed their personality and behaviors, toning everything down, don’t assume it’s simply because “they matured and got older” or “they got lazy.” Sometimes, they did it to stop attracting so much attention. And if it’s your partner, you might give them the benefit of the doubt and consider they may have stopped many of those high-positive-feedback activities primarily for your benefit.
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