The Importance And Benefits Of Having Premarital Sex


The above artwork is by Gary Isaacs.

(Click on the image if you wish to view it individually.)

© All rights reserved by Gary Isaacs.

Before I begin today’s post, I want to express a disclaimer.  The posts I write are my own thoughts.  The artists, who kindly allow me to share their gifted talents and artworks, do not condone my opinions.  For example, I have no idea why Gary Isaacs titled the artwork above “My  Bloody Valentine,” but I suspect there are interesting stories behind the title . . . but maybe not.

What I’m trying to say is, please don’t assume the diverse artists promoted on this blog share any of my strong opinions.  Rather, they have their own unique ideas and expressions.  And often, they prefer to not narrowly frame their broadly interpretable artworks within a narrow context.

Similarly, I cannot narrowly define why I match up certain images with certain ideas.  There are different reasons at different times.  Hopefully, sometimes there is some magic in the associations.  But other times, like today, I primarily prefer to share a beautiful image with the world, with no strong correlation to what I’ve written below. 

You see, I’m genetically a very visual person, a visual learner, and a visual seeker.  Words alone are often lonely to me by themselves, probably undeservedly.  It’s probably just a sensory or cognitive deficit in me.  Nevertheless, I speak with images because images are what I desire, and they feed something in me I cannot fully explain.

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The Importance And Benefits Of Having Premarital Sex

 ~ by OneMoreOption

I’m a little surprised I have not written on this topic yet.  And, I wonder if this ethical question is still practically much of question for anyone in modern culture.  But because there still are people who propose it is better to not have sex outside of marriage, and because many people may still start with a presumption that sex before marriage is suspect, I wish to communicate some concepts and reasons why having sexual relations, with a person with whom you are considering becoming exclusively or primarily sexually interdependent, is probably very important and beneficial for both of you in the long run.

I wish someone had written these kinds of ideas out for me to read when I was younger.

Sexual chemistry is an amazingly complex interaction – or at least, it can be very intricate, multi-faceted, and changing.

If you’re a young person and you enjoy making out with your significant other, then you may mistakenly think you know you would be sexually compatible with your partner.

When you enter into a traditional marriage social contract, the bargain usually is that you will become sexually dependent and exclusive with that one other person.  You are choosing to place a large part, or all, of your sexual interactions, for the rest of your life, into the hands, personality, and habits of one other person.

The best analogy I can make (and as with analogies on such complex and unique things, this analogy has many weaknesses and flaws) to sexual interaction might be food appetites and consumption habits. 

What if you decided to exclusively allow only one other person (besides yourself) to prepare your food for the rest of your life?  What potential problems might arise out of that arrangement?  And further, would you agree to allow them to become your exclusive source of food preparation if you’d never tasted their cooking or tried to live exclusively off their food preparation skills and patterns for awhile?  What possible problems could you foresee?:

What if you enjoyed their conversations, but didn’t enjoy their cooking?

What if they didn’t enjoy preparing food as often as you enjoy eating it?

What if they didn’t like preparing certain foods when you most enjoyed them?

What if you didn’t like the smell of their cooking, but enjoyed the taste?

What if they didn’t enjoy preparing food for you or anyone?

What if they simply forgot to prepare food for weeks at a time?

What if you liked prepared meals once a day and they only enjoyed preparing foods once a month?

What if you liked their prepared foods, but they did not like the food you prepared for them? 

You might say, “Well, I could just go to McDonald’s.”  However, staying within the comparative frameworks of this analogy, there is no “McDonald’s.”  There is no one else, within a traditional marriage contract, who you can go to for some “fast prepared food.’

You should strongly consider having exclusive sexual relations over an extended period of time with a potential spouse prior to making an exclusive commitment to have sexual relations with only them for the rest of your life.

You probably wouldn’t choose to only eat food prepared by one person until after you had tried being exclusively dependent on their food preparation for a long trial period.

One of the poor aspects of this analogy is that sexuality is often more social and mental than food preparation.  Therefore, the analogy doesn’t approach the levels of considerations that can exist in sexual interdependency and interactions.

When I think of the many different types and intensities of sexual interactions that exist, I’m sometimes amazed at how many marriages stay together.  I think it’s a tribute to the loyalty and kindness of people that so many marriages last.  Yes, often staying together occurs for reputational, convenience, or financial reasons as much as anything.  But still, many people simply choose to be loyal, long after they realize they are not ideally compatible with their spouse on social, sexual, or other important levels.

I was a person who was very fortunate to have intimate relations with several people before choosing to primarily have one significant other.  And I cannot fathom my psyche, social intelligence, or perspectives without my intimate and first hand relationship experiences.  I cannot fully explain how incredibly different daily life can be in the company of different individuals.

Some of these differences reveal themselves in sexual interactions, but equally large social issues reveal themselves in more ways than I could have predicted.

Living life with a different significant other often leads to an entirely different experience of reality – different focuses, concerns, and worries.  A large issue in one relationship that takes up daily concerns can be absolutely non-existent in another relationship.

And in sexual relations particularly, sometimes the neighbor’s grass is greener.  It’s not just wishful thinking that nags your mind.  In my personal experience, intimate physical and sexual relations with some people have been a springboard toward many other wonderful things.  In other relationships, the conflicts and disparities of wants that arose out of sexual interactions were too often a drag on many other important relationships in our lives.  Sexual chemistry is so important.  Two people can be caustic for each other, yet those same two people can be inspirational and energy-creating in relationships with others.

You should not underestimate the importance of sexual wants and appetite levels.  Having a consistent and long term premarital sexual relationship with someone allows you to make some measure of whether you are sexually healthy and compatible.  These are issues you should extensively explore before making lifelong exclusive commitments.

Even small disparities can be sources of significant conflict.

Do you know how hard it is for most people to change their body’s weight range?  Returning to the food consumption analogy, but on a different front, most people have little control to change their body’s weight range over a long period of time.  Similarly, most people probably have similar difficulty changing their types of sexual appetites and their frequency levels for those appetites. 

If one spouse wants sex a few times a week, and the other spouse rarely wants sex, then even if they both enjoy the same kind of sexual activities, the difference in their frequency desire can lead to lifelong conflicts.  Some of those conflicts are addressable, but others may be difficult or practically impossible to address.  There are thousands of minor nuances that can lead to sexual conflicts.

Sometimes, “trying harder’ or “having enough love” will not be enough to pleasantly breach the gap between partners’ widely different levels of desire for sexual frequency or types of sexual activity.

The food and hunger analogies are imperfect in that people can go without meeting their sexual appetites for long periods of time and still survive.  But even if people can survive long periods of time without having their sexual appetites fulfilled, they still live through those periods in environments where they regularly receive less than they want.

It may be possible to find a good sexual partner without having sexual relations prior to making a long term exclusive social contract, but the odds are extremely against you

Further, if you have few comparative, previous sexual relationships, then you’ll probably spend a great deal of time wondering if your physically and socially stimulating sexual interactions could have been better.

In the worlds of sexual interaction, the grass is sometimes definitely greener in other lawns.  Just as in social relationships, the grass is definitely greener in the regular company of different people.  Some chemistries create imbalances and disparities that will burn out all the grass, destroying the lawn, and displeasing the whole neighborhood.  Yet, those same people, when combined with others, can lead to prosperous growth.  The fault is sometimes not in the separate individuals in a couple.  Sometimes, the flaws come from their constant combining.

You probably won’t want to live the majority of your life wondering:  What if?  You probably won’t want to live the majority of your life missing out on not having comparative experiences.  But if you choose that path, my best wishes to you on that difficult path.

I am a strong believer in being fair, kind, and loyal to other people.  But you can often be more fair, learned, kind, and loyal to other people by not betting all of your current and future chips on the first pony you ride.

Try before you choose.

Good luck, because even with all the personal experiences and knowledge you can diligently gather, luck will still play a large role.

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