The Loves Of Your Life

tommy lee jones meryl streep-in-hope-springs 2

“The Love Of Your Life”

Most people may think they have one great love of their life.

But most people have several great loves of their life.  Some have many loves.  Most of our “great loves” are just not other individual people.

Some people love collecting motorcycles or comic books.

Some people love eating Doritos until they cannot eat any more.

Some people love watching every NFL game on any given Sunday.

The things we love are the things we spend our limited time doing, thinking about, and looking forward to.

Some people are in love with reading or movies:  the activity of being ensconced in the carefully condensed and refined artful thoughts of another person’s interesting mind.

I’ve known single people who had more commitments to many “loves” than married individuals had commitments to their spouse and other loves.

I’ve known married people that appeared to spend more time with their many interests and hobbies than they spent with their spouse.

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Many, maybe most, marriages or significant relationships don’t break up because of a third person.  It is possible that more often than not, conflicts of interest arise from non-human loves.

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If you love over-eating, that will likely create a conflict with your love of playing competitive sports.

If you love lounging, that will likely create a conflict with your desire to get things done.

If you love taking care of many pets, that will likely create a conflict with your love of traveling often.

If you love spending your time alone, not having to be considerate of others’ needs, that will likely create a conflict with your desire to spend time with your significant other.

Our loves, human or non-human, compete for our very little time and resources.

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Recently, I’ve been thinking about couplehood more than usual.  In particular, I’ve been thinking about how awful couplehood is when you perceive you’re spending more time than you want with your partner.  And I’ve been thinking how amazing couplehood is when you’re with someone you want to spend your limited time with.

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Your Enemies And Adversaries

Many, maybe most, people incorrectly perceive the difficulties they’ve faced in their life were a result of other people, adversaries or enemies they’ve encountered or made along the way.  But in most of these cases, the internal conflicts of interest they’ve created for themselves, conflicts that had little or nothing to do with other people, have created more of their difficulties.

As Willa Cather may have suggested in her novel “My Mortal Enemy”:  Individuals tend to be their own worst enemy – without ever realizing it.

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Hope Springs

Tonight, I watched Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones in “Hope Springs”.  The film asks this question:

Would you put everything on the line for the person you’re with?

Are you not putting everything on the line for the person you’re with?

What things (activities, appearances, causes, pursuits, or other loves) are more important than the person you’re with?  Those things may be a source of your conflicts.

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The Best Relationship Idea I Thought Of Today:

When considering a significant other, try to imagine this:  Imagine the other person is not of the gender you normally pursue sexually.  If the other person was a member of the gender you don’t normally pursue romantically, would you want to spend your available free time with them?  Would you do the non-sexual activities you enjoy with them?

If the other person was not physically beautiful and if they were not a potential sexual partner, would you pursue their time and companionship?  Honestly?

Whether the answer is yes or no is not all-determinative.  But thinking about your answers and why may be helpful.

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I finished reading Patrick Rothfuss“The Name of the Wind.”   I give it 5 out of 5 stars.  Despite any criticisms I might have, and despite how much I disagree with many of the main characters’ self-centered objectives, choices, and tactics, the book is extraordinarily well-written and full of wisdom and other ideas worth consideration.  The plot is interesting, with concise structure – but I didn’t primarily keep reading the long book because I wanted to know the outcome of the plot.  I read the book more to hear the author’s ideas, to closely examine the book’s excellent plot pacing and rhythm, and to learn more about words, descriptions, and names.  It was a worthwhile read, and I look forward to reading the second book in the series, and trying to understand why readers in general gave it a slightly lower rating.

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