Building off of yesterday’s post about considering the needs of the many rather than just the needs of a few or just one, and a post series that began with a post about a key motivation for continually pursuing diverse areas of knowledge, then went on to a suggestion to pursue larger goals rather than smaller ones, I’ll conclude this 4-part post series with these thoughts:
What if I told you one of the poorest women at my university ended up with one of the wealthiest guys at my university?
Do you want to know how or why that occurred?
Would that be an interesting tale to hear? A fairy tale? Do Cinderellas still hope to pair up with a wealthy guy? I don’t know. Those are not rhetorical questions. I really don’t know.
Would you like to know what she did to attract the attention and affections of the rich guy?
This is what she did:
She was kind to everyone.
That was a quality the rich guy lacked. He lacked the personal experience and education to understand the importance of ever-mindful kindness.
Did he pursue her because she’d bring him more wealth?
No. He had more wealth than he would ever spend. He didn’t need the fruits of her efforts. He realized he needed to be more like her, and his life would be better following in her footsteps.
What did she end up doing?
Is there a twist to this story? Did she end up bringing him more monetary wealth than he had before? No. She ended up working in a low-paying profession where many hours every week she helped the poor and middle-class individuals in her community receive services and knowledge they needed or wanted.
What did he receive from her?
A wealth of kindness, the same kindness she consistently showed to everyone else. She was the rarest of jewels, an intelligent person who prioritized kindness over most, if not all, other priorities.
Is there a moral to this story?
There probably is not a clear: “If you do this _____, then you’ll likely receive this _____” outcome or principle. But I believe if you are kind to others, you will attract kind people to you.
And no matter what work you do, no matter what social circles you move in, if you exhibit the quality of character and behaviors of a kind and intelligent personal, bright people around you will recognize your worth.
Often, it’s not important to impress a crowd or even a social community. To get into relationships with other kind and giving people, maybe the most important qualities you must consistently exhibit are: kindness and consideration.
If you’re pursuing a great one-on-one relationship, then it doesn’t matter if you’re really popular or “attractive” to a crowd. If you’re only looking to attract the desires and attention of one other kind and intelligent person, then that’s all you need to attract: one other kind and intelligent person.
You can be physically gorgeous, young, a great athlete, wealthy, and on and on . . .
But if you don’t have the social intelligence to be kind to everyone around you, then the bright people around you will see you lack social intelligence and empathy. And the kind people who are looking for that characteristic will find you lacking. And your charming appearance, checkbook, or sense of humor will be moot.
To attract great social partners, all you need to do is consistently display your intelligent kindness. Trust me, if enough people see your consistent and intelligent courtesy toward others, that will be enough to attract the considerations of quality people around you.
Is that all you’ll need to do?
No, but that will be enough to attract others to you. Thereafter, the very complex processes of figuring out compatibility will begin . . .
So, if you’re wondering: Why did I never seem to attract the kind of person I wanted to attract? Ask yourself: Was I always kind? If the answer is: “No,” then now you might understand why you never attracted someone who was smart & kind, looking for another kind person.
Why did I write this post?
For years I’ve been making similar assertions. Back in 2009, I wrote a critique of Robert Greene’s book “The Art of Seduction.” In that post, I asserted (counter to Greene’s assertions) that no one should reasonably expect that some limited, false, tricky, or domineering presentation to “seduce” another person in the short term will likely produce long-term positive outcomes.
I’m a person who has maintained many long-term positive close relationships with family members, friends, and my significant other. To acquire, maintain, and build those relationships over many years, there have never been any shortcuts or clever maneuvers. If you want people to be loyal, consistent, considerate, honest, and caring toward you, then, not surprisingly, you must find and put in the time to be all those things toward them – if you want them to remain with you for the long-term.
At the point you are disloyal, inconsistent, inconsiderate, dishonest, or uncaring toward them, then at best, you will have to attempt to repair and make-up for your shortcomings if you want the longstanding positive interactions to continue.
Kindness bears kindness.
Kindness begets kindness.
The atop this post is by the great artist m. lewandowski. © All rights reserved by m. lewandowski.
Postscript: Thank you to those of you who shared this post on Facebook.
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